life is perfect... we may not think this at most times, but in the end we can look back and see, "oh yes it is".
if you listen to the messages this perfect universe sends you... you can manifest anything. "asketh, you shall receive". this could go both ways, always be careful what you ask for and which messages you do and do not listen to. i have a perfect example of this... the other day, my heart was saddened by a message a close friend had given me... i had shared with her my desire to find my birth grandmother, grandma macnamera. my desire for this gets greater by the hour. i pine for her daily... for this is my ancestor whom i have followed footsteps in, and i have yet to know her-not even her face.
you see, for all of you that dont know...my dad was adopted and his adoption has affected me as well. it is a peice that is missing in my life, just as much as it is missing in my dad's. i myself have lost a child to adoption. i have reunited with my son and i am constantly healing. my grandparents are resistant in revealing my father's true identity which passes on down to my true identity as well. i know first hand how healing finding your identity is and want the same healing for myself.
well, back to my very close friend's message... "you will not find her, now is not the time, forget about it".
well, i have a deep belief that the universe speaks to us and answers our desires. i took this as a message from god and have been filled with heartache and have pled my desires to my maker and my surrounding angels..."it is no longer about my daddy anymore, it is for me. she has walked in my shoes, she is my blood...and yes it does make a difference."
i have many people excusing this desire of mine to "find by blood relatives" as "it's the spirit of elijah". they excuse my desire by advising me to forget about it, that is why we do the temple thing. we have our own family now... my interpretation, "we create our own relatives" well, i dont. i am grateful for all my bonus family members. they have been a great blessing to me, i am ever so greatful that we signed up to learn our lessons together. but what is wrong with even more people to love...especially on that deeper love that instantly comes with a bond?
so yesterday, three days after my heart was saddened and i pled my case to the universe...im driving home from the dentist. which by the way was filled with another great blessing from the universe. my dentist entertained a fabulous debate on adoption. thank you Dr. Nydegger. anyways, on my way home, i see shellie payne folks. for those of you that dont know, shellie is a new found neighbor of mine. we moved into our house two years ago and lo and behold...along with my piano teacher from 6th grade, the paynes live in my neighborhood ...all of them except for the son, Kay. kay is a peer who is my age whom i had attended school with from kindergarton through high school. kay's sister shellie has always stood out for me.
growing up, when my mother was trying to decide on a baby sitter for us, my vote was shellie payne. she was always someone that i looked up to. shellie is one of the funniest people i know and i always hold her in my mind walking in the neighborhood with a smile on her face bouncing a basketball with her big yellow fro. well, i move here and there she is always walking in the neighborhood, with a smile on her face. the only thing that is missing is her basketball and the fro...instead she is carrying her ipod and sporting a sleek bob.
so anyway, i see shellie walking in the cold and i pull over and ask her, "what are you doing walking in the cold? hop in and let me drive you." at first she resists and i insisted.
we drive over to her mothers and on the way i ask her, "so i hear that you are know serving as the ancestor specialist?"
shellie laughs and says, "i dont know about that"
so i go on to tell her my desire to find my biogical grandmother, my father is adopted. the only information i have besides my father's birthday, name and place of birth, is her last name and supposedly how many children she had before him.
shellie informs me that i need to go see her mother's neighbor..."she's the specialist, and i would go over there now...she's home".
i thank shellie, bid her a good day and head straight to the neighbor's house. the neighbor was eager to help, made a phone call and will get right on it. WOW!!! thank you lord!!! thank you fairies!!! thank you all the wonderful angels!!! i take this as a good sign and i wait patiently to hopefully meet my grandmother.
which brings me back to my starting statement, "be careful of what messages you listen to" i could of just given up and gone in a bit of a pity party funk... that is what i felt like doing. but i didnt. i accepted the answer and continued on my journey in life with prayer in my heart of my desire still in my heart and the universe gave me shellie. good thing i wasnt in my funk and was glad for the opportunity to serve others and give shellie a ride. LIFE IS PERFECT.